meEeChaH

nakakainis na gusto kita pero ayaw ko. nakakainis na gusto kong magalit sayo pero hindi ko magawa. nakakainis na gusto kitang makasama pero hindi lang talaga pwede. nakakainis na gustong kong wag kang pansinin pero hindi ko matiis. nakakainis na nandito lang ako parati para sayo. nakakainis na iniisip kong makakausap lang kita dahil kailangan mo ko. nakakainis na gusto kitang kalimutan pero hindi ko kaya. nakakainis na gusto pa rin kita kahit ang dami ko nang nakitang hindi ko gusto sayo. nakakainis na gusto kitang alagaan pero marami nang nag-aalaga sayo. nakakainis na gustong kong mainis sa iba ng dahil sayo. nakakainis na kahit sabihin kong ayaw ko sayo ay lalo lang akong naiinis dahil mas lalo lang kitang nagugustuhan. nakakainis na kahit naiinis ako sayo makita lang kita masaya na ulit ako. hay… nakakainis!!

I am not asking you to say “I love you”; it’s difficult. I don’t want to hear you say “sorry”, I don’t need it. You don’t to have to say “I miss you”, coz I know you don’t. You don’t have to say a word, you just have to smile and I’ll know I’ve pleased you. I am not asking you for anything because what I want from you is not asked but given willingly and sincerely.

Tinutulungan kita pag may kailangan ka. Minsan hindi mo nga alam na tinutulungan pala kita coz I don’t have to let you know that at the back of my mind, I’m thinking of you. Minsan I really go out of my way just to make sure na matulungan kita and you’ll think it’s completely ok. This is why you don’t have to say “sorry”. Bakit may kasalanan k b? Why do people say sorry, it’s because they did something wrong. But in my case you didn’t do anything wrong, because I did what I can do willingly while knowing that it comes with consequences. I believe that if I really want to be of help I just have to do it (pero syempre naman I don’t want to help tapos mas nakagulo pa ako, alam ko naman yon).

I am not looking for recognition what I want is sana kahit minsan naaappreciate mo naman. Siguro hindi mo un maaalala pero ako hindi ko rin naman un makakalimutan. Masaya na akong makita na napasaya kita and I was able to help you carry your burdens. Na sa isang libo’t isang daang beses kita natulungan; isang beses pa lang akong humingi ng tulong sa’yo… pinaghintay mo pa ako; tatlo o limang beses ka pa lang nagpasalamat, ung isa akala ko makakalimutan mo pa, ung dalawa miscol, ano un? Sana lang marealize mo how much appreciation means for a person. THANK YOU lang un. Two words and yet it means so much, much more than saying I LOVE YOU. More stress relieving than saying IM SORRY. More thoughtful than saying I MISS YOU. Piso lang un…. PISO!!! It’s a priceless expression that won’t even cost you much but would give great happiness lalo na kung sasabihin mo personally. Again let me tell you, it’s not important that you get your message passed but that your message is able to touch and show some concern.

Kaya naman I would like to say THANK YOU.

for what? alam nyo na un…

Last Friday, nagpahula kami sa AEC. The initial plan was “regression” ung matutulog ka or you’ll hypnotized then in your dream you’ll travel back in time and witness for yourself your own past life kaso maingay daw sa BA kaya ayun hindi natuloy, nag tarot card-reading na lang. ok lang naman.

Actually I never really believed in fortune telling kahit na sabihin nating nagbabasa ako ng horoscope and sometimes feeling ko naman totoo, pero this time sobrang creepy. Habang sinasabi na niya ung mga nakikita nya sa cards ko naku, I got scared!! Imagine this person doesn’t know me at all, not a bit, and yet she seems to be telling me justifiable truth about myself. Macoconvince ka talaga that your past explains why you are like this right now, and sinasabi niya rin ung mga things that you’ve never disclosed to anyone but is true. Hindi siya tulad nung mga psychology tests or personality tests. Ewan ko!!

Sa past life ko daw isa akong female homebody, actually a housewife. Ngayon, oh no.. hindi mo ko pwedeng ikulong sa bahay. Even when I was still younger lagi akong nasa labas ng bahay, hindi ko kayang mabuhay sa loob ng bahay forever. Hindi rin ako ung tipong magsisilbi sa bahay, although I do my chores and cook or set/fix the table from time to time, madalang naman un. I feel more free-spirited right now than what she says I was before. Eto pa, nabuhay daw ako sa panahong 1950’s-1970’s and to be specific namatay ako ng 1976. imagine, I died at the age of 26??!! Ang young!! Could this possibly explain my childish nature? In this new life I don’t want to die young… gusto ko kung mamamatay ako ano na ako… uhm… at least 90 years old tapos natravel ko na ung buong mundo and naexplore ko na ung mga bagay na ive never tried before. Sana by then I have conquered all my fears and have been contented with my whole life.

Sabi rin niya that in the past I had trouble having a child. Isa lang daw naging anak ko tapos namatay pa. how sad… hindi ko man lang napalaki ung bata tapos nawala na… nakakainis.. gusto ko sana I could grow old with my kids, as in enjoy them.. take note kids ah.. gusto ko nga 3-4 children eh…. Kaya siguro malapit talaga ako sa mga bata… sabi rin nya na because of that experience I might be cranky and meticulous, almost depressed pag nagbuntis daw ako… oh no!! ayoko nga, dapat maging masaya ako para maganda ung anak ko… its just but normal to be meticulous pero cranky… hmmm… I don’t want to be like that!! NEVER!!

She also told me that I have strong attachments and loyalties to my family and friends. Goal ko daw is to uplift my immediate family, and having a boyfriend I guess would be out of the question. It’s true. I really have strong affiliations with my friends and family. Sila yung top 2 groups that I wouldn’t sacrifice nor exchange for any rewards in this life. Sabi nga niya sa akin I should not be afraid to leave my friends behind or to let go if any of them should leave me. Sabi pa niya wag ko daw pagpilitan ung relationships na hindi ko na kayang isave. Wag ko daw pakialaman ang buhay ng may buhay. Hmmm… ano kayang ibig nyang sabihin dun? Well, for that part I really don’t realize it yet kasi makialam sa buhay ng may buhay… hindi naman ako ganon eh… I let people come to me and I listen, hindi naman yata ako ung tipong nosy and all?? But if I would be, please just tell me to step aside, and id be glad to keep my distance.

Ayoko rin daw ng challenges. I mean I like to be challenged but when I see failure I easily give up… and I think that it is somehow true in the mind. Hindi ko naman kasi pinapakita na hindi ko kaya eh, pero deep inside there are times that I get insecured, feeling ko incapable ako… pero kung un lang kaya naman yang iovercome eh… diba??!! I believe that we all have our own weaknesses and fears, it’s but normal and inevitable but you can surely grow over it.

Lastly she told me that I have great power in the mind. Im more logical than physical. Yeah, it’s true kaya although active ako hiindi naman ako the sporty type of person. Sabi niya if I would succeed in life it would be through my logic. Kasi magaling daw akong magstrategize, (uuuyyyy…) however that power seems to be running on my weak side right now, kaya dapat daw mag-aral ako ng mabuti and don’t let myself falter away from my goals kasi siguro un ung mga nagddrive sa akin to keep pushing forward.

I have made a lot of realizations from this past-life / fortune-telling experience. Gusto ko matry ulit!! Sana ill be strong enough to counter her negative predictions. Sabi nga nila it’s not in the cards but in how you play the game. What my destiny will come to be, it’s all up to me and how I make decisions for the simple things I do. Oh God, give me the courage to change the things I can. After this life, ano kaya ako? Sana ung future Micha masabi niya na, “WOW!! Ganito pala ako noon!!” sana the future me will be proud of me and would continue to reach new heights… nggghhhh… hehe…